just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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