Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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