you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Randomize