oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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