Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
