dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
