When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
