also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I currently don't understand fingers.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
