just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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