ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
