I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
