My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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