There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
