big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
