Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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