Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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