She's JV to your varsity
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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