I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
