I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize