a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
