It's like God shit irony all over that family
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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