Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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