I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
