One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
