I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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