do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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