That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
