i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
