I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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