dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
