maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
