I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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