and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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