dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
