thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
