he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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