A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
