wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
