Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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