Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
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