tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
