His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
