So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
