i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
