That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Are we still banned from the library?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
