I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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