pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
