and you said cock pushups were impossible
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
