Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
