Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
