Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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