mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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