oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
All I want is dick and wine.
as a side note pls kill me
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