I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
im six kinds of drunk right now
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
