For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
