i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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