My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
