I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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