I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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