i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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