Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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