what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
no, he came in my armpit
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
