i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize