I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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