Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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