maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
