so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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