Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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