I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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