i think my mom watched the whole time
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
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I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
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I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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