he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
where am i from again
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He passed out mid-signature
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
