We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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